Recently, the first episode of the second season of the wildly popular “Game of Thrones” was aired. According to MTV.com, the premiere got huge ratings. People were anticipating this so eagerly, and rightly so; one hopes that the second season maintains the great level of storytelling and acting that the first set the bar at. I haven’t seen the premiere yet, so I don’t know myself.
Many followers of the series would agree that the main protagonist of the first season was Eddard Stark, lord of Winterfell. He’s a no-nonsense ruler, a leader who does not take his position lightly. Just take one of his most well-known lines:
“If you would take a man’s life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you can not do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die. […] A ruler who hides behind paid executioners soon forgets what death is.”
Here is a man who sees being a ruler as a responsibility, a position of power that brings with it many burdens that one must bear with seriousness and a willingness to get one’s hands dirty. There are many things that must be done to keep the peace and order in the hard, unforgiving North, and he puts great stock in them. This attitude has made him a lord beloved and respected by all his subjects–a person of great influence.
Lately, I’ve been reading a book written by one of the acknowledged experts in influence. He’s a man named Dale Carnegie. Born in 1888, died in 1955. During the time in between, he conducted tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of classes, workshops, and seminars, where he educated adults in the art of public speaking and human relations. Arguably his best-known work, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” instructs readers on fundamental principles and techniques to get along with others. It has been printed in I-don’t-know-how-many editions, but I’ve got two; one from the ’80s, and the most recent one called “How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age,” which I personally think is not as good at delivering on its promises as its predecessors. That’s just my own thinking, though.
Throughout the book, Dale Carnegie shows the reader that getting along with others requires a great facility for empathy and friendliness. The book’s title itself declares the intention most people may have for learning to get along with others–to become a person of influence. However, Dale makes it clear that the influence he advocates is not meant to equate to manipulation; it’s more of the ability to persuade others to see things from your point of view. Chapters are written on the importance of smiling, avoiding arguments, remembering names, letting the other person talk–all techniques that are useful for everyone, from the schoolchild to the corporate executive to the politician.
Eddard Stark would loathe to think of himself as a politician. He did not enjoy the prospect of jockeying for position on the long and often bloody line to the high throne. In fact, when his close friend, Rober Baratheon, King of the Seven Kingdoms, asked him to come to King’s Landing and serve as Hand of the King–the right-hand man for the most powerful monarch of the land–he was less than happy. He was needed by the kingdom, but he did not want to think about leaving his home and family behind. In the end, he had to, but it showed the kind of person he was. No thirst for power drove him, though his position forced him into a situation where he’d have to engage those who had it.
How many real-life executives can relate to Eddard Stark’s situation? He was in a position of power, but he loathed the games that came with it. He just wanted to perform his duties and do his share for the greater good. We hear of many office workers who are like that; occupying a relatively high node on the organization chart, they nonetheless just want to do their jobs and don’t want any trouble. Are these people right in their aversion to participating in office politics?
According to an article in the Harvard Business Review, getting into office politics may be necessary, and will likely ultimately lead to the greater good. We may want to stay out of the way of those who operate on ego, whose only objective is to “show everyone else.” But if we let these people get to us, if we withdraw to the point that we keep ourselves quarantined from the office environment, then we reduce our ability to influence it. If one’s ultimate objective as a worker is to work in a place that values good judgment and fairness in making critical decisions, then one has to maintain relationships and connections.
Once one engages others and exposes himself or herself to office politics, and there is too much conflict and confrontation, it may be tempting to withdraw again rather than keep working for what’s right. It can also be tempting to fight others who just “rub you the wrong way”; though we like to think of ourselves as objective, any person can be an animal. At times like this, we would do well to remember these words:
“Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run”
Outside by Choice 